they say life can be insanely unfair sometimes but to me its most of the time

i pretend to put on a smile doesnt mean deep down inside i feel the same way that i look. most of you may think that im rich ,ive got a happy family ,good friends around me and tons of guys chasing after me. the good friends part i have to admit cause all of my friends treat me like a spoilt princess.

guys? just how many of them are true?

if you think im rich and ive got happy family, please. i dont. i dont live like how you think i am. my f-up family background is 1000000 X worse than you can ever imagine. i finally decided to post it out on my blog not because i know many of you out there do read it but because i cant stand it anymore and theres nothing else i could do now but type it out here. but trust me, one fine day i wil move out of this house. be it i found a good guy or not, i will get out of this hell place.
my parents are divorce as most of you know. i used to stay with my dad only since 5 with my younger bro sean and elder sis ryvonne. yeah, only the both of them are my real blood siblings. so therefore our realationship kinda close.

my dad borrowed loanshark since we were young. he drink, smoke, gamble and as much as i know now. he used to molest girls. yeah. freak out. theres a reason behind everything. and theres a reason why im so skinny. i used to have one loaf of bread shared between the three of us for breakfast, lunch and dinner. i was only 5 year old then when i knew how bad my family background was and how sensible i have to be compared to all the other children at the same age. i didnt dare to fall sick, cause everytime i fall sick, i only get scolding as my parents think that going to e doctor is a waste of money. my mum decided to leave us to death and let us b with my dad. she chose to abandon us when we were only so young.

as soon as i turn 11, i moved over to stayed with my mum. part of the reason was because my dad wasnt capable to let us lead a life. no even a good life K. do you know how difficult it is for the three of us to buy school books and school uniform when we were in primary school? some of them we got it free form ppl's donation, and some we beg money from our aunt/uncle.

i thought things will turn out better when i moved over with my mum. althought i had to start working part time at the age of 13 to have allowance for myself. i didnt felt that i was the worse kid ever. partly due to my good friends i have in school. so for the past 6years, i didnt ask a single cent from my parents

well, i have to say i am kinda fortunate ive got a step sister who is more willing to help us in anything as long as we listened to her. she's very fierce and thats y u know i never come home after 11pm even until now unless special occasion that sometimes i had to beg to go.

enough of the past.
back to now.

i bought a bouquet of flowers for my mum on mother's day and she refused to take as she insisted that all she want is money not flowers and asked me to throw it away. tell me, how many of ur mum say this to u? and how many of ur mum scold you vulgar? she didnt know how this few words could hurt and all she thinks about is only $$$$. and from then till now, i've yet talk to her. she claimed that i treat my home like a hotel, when she say that hotel also need to pay to stay k. please, have u ever thought about u contributing anything as a mum? im only fucking 19 and i dont have a stable job. all i have is just a part time job which pays my daily allowance, transportation and phone bill.

my mum": you better go get a full time job and give me money every month'.
my dad":quickly go find a job so that i can stop working'.
F. im only 19. how much u people expect me to earn?!!!!!!
why do i have to endure all the nonsense that none of my friend needs to

and today,
there she goes again...
when are you getting a job?
when r u giving me money?
why didnt you do the chores?
you either listen to me or you get out of the house!

F world
F you

I want to, but teach me how

i would have just gone out to drink , smoke, gamble ,sex.
if you know me well, you know i does none of the above. except for drinking alcohol for once and how much i regretted it. believe it or not. it doesnt matter to me.

theres tooo many things for my to cry over. its time i save my precious tears on something more worthwhile.

Esther, there are still many things out there for you to discover. dont get upset over things like that.
iloveyou
SMILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ;)